Thank you so much for using a toilet seat cover today. Perhaps next time, after you have finished using the toilet, you might consider pushing said cover into the toilet with either your foot or hand and then flushing it so no one else has to be grossed out by the thought of having to touch it in some way in order to remove it from the toilet seat.

Dear Woman Who Used Stall #3 in the Restroom:

Apparently no one ever told you that if you pee all over the toilet seat that you should in fact clean it up. I’m not even really sure how you did it, but what I do know is that you are a nasty pig and I wish that someone would splash pee all over you one day so that you might be reminded of how disgusting someone else’s urine touching your clothing and/or body is. Thankfully I didn’t sit down in it, but the edge of my dress did brush it before I realized it was there and I almost threw up when I discovered it. I still feel a little sick because I know it touched me and I can’t go home and change.

In case you weren’t told this before, let me enlighten you. The big boxes with the red, yellow and green colored circles that light up are called traffic lights. The colors indicate what you are to do as you approach them. Green indicates that you may commence driving and pull forward through the light/intersection or turn. Yellow means proceed with caution. Red means STOP. Yes, that’s correct, STOP. Let me spell it for you in case you missed that…S-T-O-P. It means “to prevent from proceeding, acting, operating, continuing, etc.: to stop a speaker; to stop a car.” See? It does not mean that you should continue on through the intersection and try to run over 3 other vehicles just because you drive a ginormous Chevy Suburban that is as large as the 3 vehicles you were attempting to run over. Maybe your vehicle is too large and blocks your view of the traffic lights and other vehicles on the road? If so, maybe you should consider purchasing something a little smaller so that you can see everything a little more clearly. If it’s just the fact that you feel that you deserve to take up more of the road and all other drivers be damned, then perhaps you should do a reality check because we have just as much right to be on the road as you do, smaller vehicle or not.

Sincerely,

Stef

Wipe off the freaking toilet seat for crying out loud!!! Seriously. It’s totally gross. I know that many women hover so as not to have to actually touch their tushes on the toilet seat, but they should at least have the common courtesy to take a quick peek behind them to see if they’ve sprayed, and, if so, to clean up their mess. I don’t know how it is that they manage to miss the giant hole in the toilet entirely and instead spray urine all over the toilet AND not be able to see that they’ve done it and just leave it there for the next person to encounter, but it is REALLY disgusting and they should be swatted with a rolled up newspaper or something.

/rant