I had a dream about Mike the other night. Nothing meaningful or sexy about it, he was just in it and it kinda ripped another hole in my heart. I really thought I was beyond this, but clearly I’m not. This is what not having closure does to you. Your emotions sneak up on you in your dreams when you least expect it and then you are left to ponder what it all means. Why did he show up in my dreams now? Did something happen to him? Why should I even care when he acted like such a dick? Am I still just upset that he vanished and moved on without so much as a word? It’s frustrating because I do still love him, but I refuse to let it put a strain on me again because my heart can’t take that. I can’t be a zombie again. I won’t. With any luck it’ll all be out of my brain in a few days and I won’t have to think about it anymore.

And now for meaningless and non-personal stuffle…

I’m creeped out by this Keri Russell photoshoot. She looks sickly and gross.

I’m really tired of seeing Heidi Montag and her douchebag verywhere I turn. They’re on every gossip blog known to man, they’re in the grocery story, they’re in the bookstore, they’re just everywhere and they need to go away. I think I might be more annoyed at the fact that I know who they are just because they are such blatant media whores.

Now for more Breaking Dawn commentary. I’m about 300 pages in now and yeah, I’m still not diggin’ it. At least now I know why Alice hasn’t been around much. Stupid reason too, but whatever. Die Rosalie! You’re such a bitch! Ugh! Jacob, why such a whiner? Double ugh! Did SM write this book specifically for Team Jacob? There’s just WAY TOO MUCH of him and the fact that I’m still reading things from his POV is really bugging me. The more I read, the more I dislike this story. If she wanted to switch up POVs, why didn’t she maybe write various chapters in other POVs like Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, etc? At this point, that would have been way better than what I’m currently reading. Perhaps I should just go ahead and admit to myself that I just don’t like the book. I’m truly hoping that it will get better and I will like it more by the end, but so far, it’s just not doing it for me.